Its suddenly occurred to me that i haven't taken poly seriously enough as i would have liked to at the beginning. I've forgotten the reason why i even came to poly in the first place... My dad is going to retire in a few years and my future is not looking very bright as time goes along. The adult world is so hard and i'm scared i won't be strong enough to support my parents when the time comes. I want to support them and give them a good life as they have done for me, in their own way. My goal was to start working straight away after poly to get a stable job, earn money and all that cause i know my brothers are more or less not going help out, whether they don't care or are unable to. But now that poly is coming to an end, everything seems to be happening so fast, and im constantly getting blindsided by University further education and all that. I've become lazy and throughout poly and even now. My drive was always to be able to support my parents but my dreams make me forget reality for a time, and i think that form of stasis is whats keeping me from accomplishing simple goals like getting past FYP.
Growing up is shit scary. I keep complaining why i have to be the one worrying about this alone, being NOT the eldest child, but i hate that i think that way because that is not the kind of person i want to be. All this idealistic crap is racking my brain all the more now. It could be stress and it could just be me.
Filial piety is scary shit.
i understand, same situation for me too U____U
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