if you can't understand the simplest things in life, don't go busting your head about the complicated stuff.

Floating in the In-between

The new year has scarcely begun and so many changes are already in process. Another school experience will be completed soon even though it is still in the middle of FYP. After poly, plans to further my studies in the U is already in my head, i'm excited but have to keep reminding myself to get through poly first. You don't finish one thing, it don't matter if you plan a rocket party after. Its a little saddening but change will always be a constant. People who live in the past will never go on to the future, scarcely live in the present. So I  keep reminding myself to bravely let go of the many things that upset me and keep my heart open to the many wonderful experiences have yet to happen to me. Life shall not be wasted clinging on to sad angry things :)

And so everyday I shall travel from the in-between, on towards the brighter future

And now a big beautiful picture of a sunrise

Ps: cheesy shit but sometimes it is good thing, the simplest things oft mean the most to people

REGRETS&FORGIVENESS

Spectrum 19 arrived and it has been the biggest disappointment of my whole online shopping experience. 90% of the illustrations inside were those I did not like, and 50% were that if half naked females, and 100% of the layouts were horrifying enough that even a layout/typography-dummy-like-me was dumbstruck. I confidently infer 90% of the people who edited the book were males. fucking horny males. I was really upset when I first flipped through its pages and progressively my soul left my body... Because i finally accepted that I wasted $45 on a book I didn't ever want to look at again. And I can't even return it because the shipping to Australia is $36... Sooooo I really want to sell it away but my mum told me to keep it. Why? So i don't ever make the same mistake like that again and I will look at the book everyday to remind me of that lol. Love my mum. The glass is always half full with her around.

Anyway 4 days after that horrible incident after which I stuffed spectrum 19 back into its box and never opened it again, I bought another book. Just 3 hours ago. But this time i looked at the inside of the book and fucking loved every page! Exactly the way it should be when you buy a fucking expensive book. It's a collection of artworks by one of my favorite illustrators, yuko shimizu!! It was sold for exactly the same price as spectrum 19 and that still makes me cringe at how the value of a book is subjective to a reader, because to me, spectrum 19 ain't worth shit. Not to say it is worth shit to everybody. Just me.

Anyhow I love love love this book that I just bought, have been waiting for the price to go down though from about a year ago when I first saw it. In the end, student discount was given PLUS! An extra 5% from this uncle who gave it to me as a special price with a cheeky grin that grossed me out but oh well, if it saves money? TAKE IT. So yay! I got the book for $36! It's still expensive but I love and respect the artist enough to agree this price and suppress a shiver when i got that grin, cause the quality artwork was worth it. And so I have thus forgiven myself for ever purchasing spectrum 19, and in general, purchasing a book that I had never seen the insides of.

A couple of pictures of the book are below! Yuko shimizu fan forever!

kaching kaching

In times of heightened stress levels, I love to distract myself with impulsively spending money. Yea yea yea first world girl i don't care, spending money makes me feel happier even if its not particularly healthy. Anyway some of the things i bought that have been unsavory are these 2 shorts from ASOS. sigh~ seriously am dissppointed with them. One of them was designed for people with no ass, such that when i wore it there was a huge gap in the back, because i have a pretty decent butt thank you very much. Its a terrible design and can't match with any shirt that i have... Oh but the worse is yet to come.

The other shorts was way waaaaaaaay worse. The bottom part of the shorts thats supposed to cover a girl's vjj was like 4 cm wide tops and hanging low. LIKE WTF?? you would be flashing your undies when you crossed you leg or bend over a little. ITs terrible terrible, can't fix it with a belt like the other one. I shall stick to skirts and tops when shopping online, period.

But there was one book I bought online that i am anticipating like crazy!!

Spectrum 19, the best in contemporary art! I fell in love with book 17 that i found in the local library and just decided one day i HAD to own one and saw this updated version. I'm a bit scared the inside may not be what i expected like in book 17 but i didn;t want o get book 17 because i could easily borrow it from the library sooooo....book 19 it was. Hope its not disappointing! IT will arrive around 23rd jan to 5 feb~ can't wait can't wait!

So far i own 6 illstration books, 3 of which i can not live without (my babies) and they are

the Garden of Eye Candy

OFFPISTE (only $10!! omg this was the best steal eva!)

Society of Illustrators 51

I bought 2 of them at onepage and the middle at Basheer. Hope to add Spectrum 19 to my wonderful collection! If you are an illustrator you HAVE to check out book 17 for sure, it is really inspirational and can give you that spark if you have an art block or whatnot, I can confirm at least 70%. 

Well I should get back to work so have a great day/night and ciao~

PS: and i bought Spectrum 19 in hardback at the price of a paperback edition!! yesssss i was meant to shop for that book on that very night and shall have no regrets!

THIS. HEAVY. BURDEN.

Its suddenly occurred to me that i haven't taken poly seriously enough as i would have liked to at the beginning. I've forgotten the reason why i even came to poly in the first place... My dad is going to retire in a few years and my future is not looking very bright as time goes along. The adult world is so hard and i'm scared i won't be strong enough to support my parents when the time comes. I want to support them and give them a good life as they have done for me, in their own way. My goal was to start working straight away after poly to get a stable job, earn money and all that cause i know my brothers are more or less not going help out, whether they don't care or are unable to. But now that poly is coming to an end, everything seems to be happening so fast, and im constantly getting blindsided by University further education and all that. I've become lazy and throughout poly and even now. My drive was always to be able to support my parents but my dreams make me forget reality for a time, and i think that form of stasis is whats keeping me from accomplishing simple goals like getting past FYP.

Growing up is shit scary. I keep complaining why i have to be the one worrying about this alone, being NOT the eldest child, but i hate that i think that way because that is not the kind of person i want to be. All this idealistic crap is racking my brain all the more now. It could be stress and it could just be me.

Filial piety is scary shit.