one more word and you won't survive...
So yeah i have a been a really really horrible friend to my darling for the past few months, last minute change of plans and being late for over 2 hours!! Darling was oozing the kill aura and yeah, if I were tree I would still be shaking. Why is it I always treat those closest to me the worst... it defies standard logic and is completely irrational~ nevertheless, i owe darling a meal haha. This adding on to the list of teh pings I owe another darling haha. When I grow up I wanna be rich rich rich. Stay calm now~ so yes the stress of finding a job for my impending internship has unfortunately been very bleak (no surprise) until a few days ago when finally got an interview at a company that is very far from my home. But all things considered, it could have been far far worse. I am disappointed that I couldn't get into a company that really suited my style of design, art, bah! I don't really care anymore. This course has turned out to be a giant lie and thoughts of just kicking the bucket are surfacing ever the more, recently. Nothing stays the same. Oh the shame of it, and cliche, too.
I feel like i'm stuck in the center of a see saw, either side tilting little by little... a little more and one side will fall all the way down. So caught in the tide of undesirable endings, its suffocating... Further more adding to the clutter of thoughts is the 'friendship' problem spreading like wild fire. Everyone is poking the embers as if its an exotic animal on display. Tensions rise and fall and then i feel so lucky to have a stable friendship with people i treat so poorly. Ironic how the most passionate relationships die the fastest. It was just a matter of time really, saw it coming long ago~
And now on a more selfish grumble~ THIS IS MY WORSE BIRTHDAY EVER. PERIOD.
First is that nobody seems to care, yeah yeah i'm needy (but i wouldn't go that far lol) but the worse part was when my folks didn't seem to care either. Yeah they want to get me a cake but all that time dragging and dragging the simple issue make me feel.... annoyed, spilling into angry. It feels so insincere i'm close to feeling disgusted, and this coming from my own folks. I don't even want the stupid cake anymore. I'd sooner flush it down the toilet than remember this feeling forever.
Alright enough of this depressing posts~ On a happier note, I FOUND MY LOVE FOR DANCE AGAIN! I went dancing with darling and L (haha sry cant call L darling) And oh god it felt wonderful to stretch our stiff muscles and work! that! butt! We were extremely stiff though hahaz but it felt wonderful to dance with my friends again after more than a year. The muscle aches that followed were a nice feeling I haven't felt in a long time too.
Oh yes, M came back from UK the other day too and surprised me on my birthday! Its been so long since i saw her and the last parting was not that wonderful either, cause I was stressed and all. Can't wait to see her this Friday with Zhu and the rest of the gang! Things are looking up i guess~ ^^
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